"All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal." -Fran Lebowitz

Friday, August 31, 2012

Photos from the Muse on 8th Reading

Thanks again to Jennifer Ritchkoff, proprietor of that fantastic space. I had fun. Silent grin.

Muse on 8th graciously allowed me to use their delightful, intimate space.

Not to worry - I reapplied my lipstick before I went up in front of the crowd...

Me and Muse on 8th owner Jennifer Ritchkoff...

I'm always happy when there's anyone there, so this made me ecstatic...

 I asked my boys, my former troupemates, to lend me a hand. This is pre-game...

Matthew Hoffman and John Falchi don't take me very seriously...

 ...but as Hoffman is always late, perhaps - you know what? Never mind.

Oh my God do I look sexy with reading glasses on. (sighs, slams head against wall)

 The audience humors us...

 Thanking our host...

...who tolerated another picture with me.

 Los Chups.

Thanks To Goodreads Members, & A Special Offer!

I just completed a giveaway offer over at Goodreads and it was a kick to watch people enter for their chance to win a copy of my novel. Yes, yes, everyone likes something for free, but going to the site and noting, "Oh, 143 people want my book," and then, "Oh, 218," soon becomes muttering, "Oh - 307," and then "Cool. 386," and finally becomes, "Wow," and then, finally, a silent grin.

And, well. You can't beat silent grins.

So as I start off on this quest to build a voice and a fanbase, even if most of the entries were just people looking for a free book, I've still got the silent grin on my face, so...

If you're arriving here from Goodreads and checking out my site for the first time, welcome! If you were one of the lucky winners, congratulations!
And even if you're not, don't leave yet! I've got a special offer for you! If you go to the 'Store' page now - you can purchase a signed, paperback copy of _The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription at a 30% discount, for $10.49 + tax & shipping/handling.

$10.49. That's pretty good, isn't it?
The offer's limited, so make sure to get over to the store soon! If you decide to take a chance on me and The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, maybe your $10.49 (+ tax & shipping/handling) will get you a silent grin all your own.

Thanks again!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thanks to Cafe Muse on 8th...

...and Jen Ritchkoff for hosting another successful reading of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription tonight. I had a lot of fun. Muse on 8th is a fantastically lovely space and everyone should go there immediately - or, immediately when it opens tomorrow.

Thanks again to Jimmy, Johnny, and Matthew for carrying me with their character reads. Thanks to everyone who supported it. If you supported and enjoyed what I/we did, please tell someone.

Pics a little later; I'm wiped.


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

"You Know What This Song's About?"

In 2005, I wrote a night of one-act plays for Zombie Joe’s Underground Theatre, entitled Time Travel. One of those plays, “Marriage”, dealt with a relationship borne out of the urban legend behind a famous pop song by Phil Collins.

One of my proudest achievements as a writer thus far is, due to that one-act play, I still get phone calls and emails from friends and family, out of the blue, saying, “You know what this song’s about?” or “Guess what goddamn song I heard today?” or “Man, you have ruined that friggin’ song for me, forever.”

A few years after Time Travel, my friend Jon White (look for his band Monster Soup’s kick-ass album “Damn I’m Good” - coming soon, and he is) and I shot the one-acts as short films. Here’s the opening to “You Know What This Song’s About?” just a taste of the piece.

I have other films. I’ll post them as we go. I plan to make other films. I’ll post them as we go. I hope you enjoy them. Please tell people, as we go. ‘Cause that’s part of how we’ll go...together, eh?

Monday, August 27, 2012

Reminder - Los Angeles Area Reading

Hey, Everyone -

A final reminder about my next reading of _The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, coming up this Wednesday, August 29th, from 7:30-9p at Muse on 8th - 759 S. LaBrea Ave., just south of Wilshire Blvd.

My ex-sketchmates will be joining me again, for a little bit of Los Chupacabras magic that’ll make my novel sound a lot better than if it were just me prattling on like I was onstage in Tampa. I’ll have copies of the novel for sale with one hand out if you’ve got cash, and one hand ready to work the slidy-slidy credit card thing

Check out the site for Muse, for a inkling as to all the delicious treats you can scarf while you watch literature right in front of your very eyes.

Join us?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Don't Like Parties

...where I listen to three songs on the “70s Classic Rock Party” radio station, and imagine that I’m a guest at that party...

(BILL walks to the buffet table, and begins to fix a plate of potato salad. The HOST approaches with STEVE.)
HOST: Hey, Bill. Thanks for coming.
BILL: No problem. Thanks for having me.
HOST: Bill, meet Steve. (walks away)
BILL: (to Steve) Nice to meet you.
STEVE: Some people call me the “Space Cowboy”.
BILL: Oh. Okay.
STEVE: Yea-uh. Some call me the “Gangster of Love”.
BILL: Wait, what? No way, dude.
STEVE: Some people call me Maurice-
BILL: He just said your name was Steve-
STEVE: -‘cause I speak of the pompitous of love.
BILL: Hmm. Huh. I don’t think pompitous is a word.
STEVE: People talk about me, baby-
BILL: Yeah, well, you know, you’re kinda all over the-
STEVE: -say I’m doin’ you wrong,
BILL: -place-
STEVE: -doin’ you wrong.
BILL: If you’re like this with everyone, they would talk-
STEVE: Well, don’t you worry, baby, don’t worry-
BILL: Who said I was worried?
STEVE: ‘cause I’m right here, right here, right here at home.
BILL: (pointing) I thought this was Hugh’s house. And don’t call me “baby”.
STEVE: ‘Cause I’m a picker-
BILL: -pompitous-
STEVE: I’m a grinner-
BILL: isn’t a word-
STEVE: I’m a lover-
BILL: You’d get the red line under-
STEVE: -and I’m a sinner-
BILL: -it. And by the way-
STEVE: I play my music in the sun...
BILL: Name one person who’s called you a “Gangster of Love”.
STEVE: I’m a joker-
BILL: Nice to-
STEVE: I’m a smoker-
BILL: -meet you-
STEVE: I’m a midnight toker-
BILL: Ha. Who coulda guessed?
STEVE: I get my lovin’ on the run...
BILL: And you’re bragging about that?
STEVE: Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
BILL: Nice to meet you.
STEVE: Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
BILL: Jesus.
(Bill walks away. Instrumental.)

(Bill is examining the books on Hugh’s shelves. PINK approaches and stares at Bill. Pause for 1:35.)
BILL: Okay.  Hi. How’re you doing? (points at shelves) He’s gotta a lot of Clive Cussler, don’cha think?
BILL: Uh. (echoes) So.
PINK: So you think you can tell?
BILL: Uh. Tell what?
PINK: Heaven from Hell.
BILL: Yeah, sure. That’s fuckin’ child’s play. I mean-
PINK: Blue skies from pain.
BILL: That. That is nonsensical.
PINK: -Can you tell a green field-
BILL: From a blue field? Sure, two different colors-
PINK: From a cold steel rail?
BILL: Rail? Or rain?
PINK: A smile from a veil?
BILL: Even metaphorically, those things don’t match.
PINK: Do you think you can tell?
BILL: And why are you so challenging about it? This is supposed to be a party.
PINK: Did they get you to trade-
BILL: I should’ve stayed home-
PINK: Your heroes for ghosts?
BILL: Who’s “they”? (pointing) Hugh?
PINK: Hot ashes for trees?
BILL: Random, man!
PINK: Hot air for a cool breeze?
BILL: Finally! That works.
PINK: Cold comfort for change?
BILL: Those could be considered equal-
PINK: Did you exchange-
BILL: You know what, I need another gimlet-
PINK: -a walk-on part in the war-
BILL: I’ll put my answers in an email, okay?
PINK: -for a lead role in a cage?
BILL: Rude.
(Bill walks away. Instrumental.)

(Bill leans against the wall outside the bathroom, trying to avoid eye contact with Pink in front of him. WHEELER takes a place behind him. They look at each other.)
WHEELER: Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight.
BILL: Me either, man.
(Steve takes his place behind Wheeler on the line. Bill looks away.)
WHEELER: I got a feeling that something ain’t right.
BILL: I know, right? Hugh’s got some fucked up friends.
WHEELER: (points ahead) I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair.
BILL: (thinks) You mean toilet?
WHEELER: And I’m wonderin’ how I’ll get down the stairs.
BILL: You’re not driving, are you?
WHEELER: Clowns to the left of me-
BILL: Hey-
WHEELER: Joker’s to the right.
BILL: (re: Steve) Yeah.
WHEELER: Here I am.
BILL: Here you are.
WHEELER: Stuck in the middle with you.
BILL: Yeah-
WHEELER: -Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with you.
BILL: I’m not thrilled about it either, dude.
WHEELER: And I’m wonderin’ what it is I should do.
BILL: It’s a little late for potty training, no?
WHEELER: It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face-
BILL: -makes you look kinda sketchy-
WHEELER: ‘Cause I’m showin’ up all over the place-
BILL: Hugh didn’t invite you?
WHEELER: Clowns to the left of me-
BILL: Screw this. (pushes off wall) I’ll try the 80s party. (Bill exits.)

Monday, August 6, 2012

New Reading Scheduled!


I'll be doing another reading of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, again with assistance from my former comedy group mates, in three weeks. Wednesday, August 29th, to be exact.

Bad news first: there will be no macaroni & cheese.

Good news: the reading will take place at the Cafe Muse on 8th, at 759 S. La Brea, just south of Wilshire, near that building that used to have the big Asahi Beer sign on top but now has the big Samsung sign on top...I miss that Asahi Beer sign...

Muse on 8th is a cool coffee spot with plenty of delicious treats and a great atmosphere. I'm really lucky to be given the chance to read there. Thanks, Muse!

Reading's at 7:30p and I guarantee you'll be out of there by 9. I'll have copies of the novel for purchase and seemingly witty yet ultimately disappointing inscription, should you desire.

The last one was a blast. Many people suggested I (we) do it again. I take suggestions.

Hope you can make it.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Goodreads Giveaway!

Hey, for those of you who belong to Goodreads, I'm giving away 20 copies of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription at the end of this month.  You can get to Goodreads from clicking right over there (points to the right).

Now, you're thinking one of two things:

"Giving away 20 copies?! Ridiculous! What a great opportunity for me to perhaps win a copy of this 'sarcastic noir', gratis!"


"Giving away 20 copies?! Ridiculous! I just bought one yesterday/last week/last month! Norrett's a jerk!"

Both reactions are valid, I suppose. Allow me to respond to each specifically. To the first, I say:

"You got that right! Enter to win, check out the excerpt I've put on my author's page, maybe take a chance and buy one anyway!"

To the second, I say:

"You got that right! I gotta get myself out there, you know? Goodreads is a huge site populated by a lot of people, so anything I can do, you know? I mean, the giveaway's only been offered for a day and (checking) 74 people have signed up. Now, certainly, these people like getting free things; I know I do, you know? But. You gotta think some of them might take a chance and buy the book, you know?"*

*I grant the second response may seem like a rationalization. And that I've hammered the "you know?" conceit.

If you're a member of Goodreads, read the novel, enjoyed it, and feel like leaving a review, (trying to keep from emitting a begging tone) please feel free!

If you're not, my goodness, why not? Why on Earth not? It's a fantastic site.

Hope you're enjoying your week.