This year for the holidays, give that special someone the gift of a "sarcastic noir". Now through the end of 2012, you can purchase a signed copy of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription for 30% off - only $10.49 (plus shipping & handling).
For under fifteen bucks, you can get an autographed copy of William Norrett's first novel, full of "twists, turns, corkscrews, some loopty-loops" which will have you"hooked immediately," a story that "really captures what it's like to live in L.A. and pursue your passion even though you don't hit it big out of the gate." Who knows, maybe you'll read The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription "not expecting to enjoy the book as much as I did, if I'm honest."
Just include any personalized inscription in the "special instructions" when you buy on PayPal, and the author promises he will make his handwriting as legible as possible.
Seriously, what better gift for whatever religious day(s) you celebrate than a novel that blends comedy, intrigue, and a Sudanese chameleon? That's rhetorical.
We're goin' to some tried-and-true Internet bait to help out our campaign...
Check out "M.V.P. the musical" on Indiegogo - lots of cool swag for different contribution levels. You voted today - help our production and see who would win the "M.V.P." next spring!
Who would win in a debate: Abraham Lincoln or John F. Kennedy?
Who would win in a fight, George Washington or Teddy Roosevelt?
Who’s got the prettier singing voice: Thomas Jefferson or Richard Nixon?
Well, if you HAVE, M.V.P. has got your answers, and if you HAVEN’T, c’mon, you’re wondering NOW, so see “Well, if you HAVE...” Help us raise the money needed to stage the world premiere of this hilarious musical next spring:
Our campaign is off and running, but we need your help. Early pledges bring us to the attention of Indiegogo’s artificial intelligence, its secret-sauce algorithm, which gets M.V.P.’s campaign more prominently placed on the site, which gets it more pledges, and on and on, the circle and so forth! The circle!
We’re offering a lot of great swag for each pledge level - get in on it and support what’s sure to be a great production! Thanks!
If I may have your attention for just a brief moment before you wander off to web-parts unknown...
Over the past few months, you've seen bits and pieces about, hints and allusions to M.V.P.,my current project. M.V.P., which I co-wrote with actor/writer Matthew Hoffman and award-winning composer David P. Johnson, tells the story of eight great American presidents who are gathered in Las Vegas to compete in a “Miss America”-style pageant. Using only their records, their accomplishments, and their wits, these men have one goal - to be named the “Most Valuable President” in United States history.
M.V.P. is a grand, enthusiastic musical. Historical and hysterical, meaningful and melodic, is a unique story that puts intelligence, humor, and song in an entertainment that makes a statement about greatness in the age of reality-show glory.
The three of us plan to stage the World Premiere Production of M.V.P. next spring, and that’s where you enter the picture. We've established an IndieGogo campaign to raise funds for this World Premiere Production. Here’s the link:
As we begin to move the gears of production - renting a suitable space for such an ambitious musical, finding rehearsal space, auditioning actors and paying them as they deserve to be paid, creating costumes, a set, finished music, publicizing and promoting the production - we realize that we need to raise funds in order to give M.V.P. its best chance for success. This is where you can help. Please visit the IndieGogo site, check out specifics of the production, including the many awesome rewards you can receive for various pledge levels, and help support M.V.P.
With your help, we can see M.V.P. reach its potential.Like David and Matthew, I've been writing, performing, and producing theater in Los Angeles and New York for over two decades. M.V.P., however, enthuses me more than any project I’ve helped create. Put simply, there's nothing I've written of which I'm more proud. If you've enjoyed my work in the past, this should excite you. If you're new to my work, this should intrigue you. If you don't like my work, well, I think we can both concede at this point you're a little weird for reading this far.
Over the next few weeks, I'll give you more tastes of what you can expect when M.V.P. premieres next spring. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly. Thanks for reading.
As mentioned, Matthew Hoffman, David P. Johnson, and I are looking to stage the World Premiere of M.V.P. next spring. As we embark on the production process, I want to keep you abreast of developments, and provide some tastes of what you can expect.
My friend Jim Eshom whacked up some footage from both readings and an interview with me to create this promo video for the novel. I think it looks terrific; thanks very much to him, Jessica Amal Rice, Lamont Webb, and Alec Sherrie for helping put it together.
Please share with others, and remember - there's a discount available for those who want to buy the novel on the Sophisticated Rogue website - just check out the Store page...
...and I find myself muttering to myself, yet again, “I am George Costanza.”
Or Larry David. We all know now who George Costanza represented on Seinfeld. Whatever. The point is, like George (or Larry), any impression that people have of my intelligence is quite exaggerated. The dirty truth is:
I’m not very bright.
Perhaps I’ve just heard you gasp. No. It’s true (and if I didn’t hear you gasp but rather mutter, “I never had a doubt of it,” you can just move on). I may have attended good schools, may have been blessed with parents who stressed education, but those gifts were battled with a laziness that could never be conquered. I'll pit my laziness against anyone's. If some scientist smarter than I (lucky grammar guess!) could discover a way to bottle sloth and convert it into energy, my work ethic could bankrupt every Saudi Arabian oil prince before The Masteropens this Friday.
The bare fact is, as a result of my laziness, I possess huge gaps in my education, huge gaps, gaps large enough for an NFL running back to scamper through, untouched, to large gains, long swaths of yardage, galloping into the secondary easily, prompting Jim Nantz or Al Michaels to gush, “He ran through a hole large enough to drive a Mack truck through,” thus ending their effusion with a preposition but leaving their television audience with no doubt as to the size of the hole, only the conviction that the hole was vast, vast-
Well, see, that’s what I mean. That’s a goddamn long sentence, way too long for the point I’m trying to make. Also, I started to make the point but, distrustful of myself, immediately grasped for a sports analogy, the refuge of the man who watches Football Night in Americawhile drinking a Super Big Gulp of Diet Coke (perhaps you hear me protesting, “C’mon! It’s diet!”) rather than even attempt to read The Economist. That sentence is another example of how any indication that I may be intelligent is a mirage, fool’s gold-
Okay, I’ll stop. Suffice to say, gaps, man. Huge gaps. To wit, I own a lot of books, to the point where visitors to my loft look at the shelves in my living room and murmur, “Man. Lotta books.” Books about every possible subject: novels, history, humor, even cookbooks. If I had a nickel, though, a nickel for every one of those books I have not read, I could bankrupt Stephen King before his next eBook hits your Nook.
Well, that ends now. Or at least, I begin to end it. Because I’m committed to closing those gaps, to sending the self-teaching equivalent of Haloti Ngata (Defensive end for the Baltimore Ravens; I can’t be expected to quit sports analogies cold turkey) through the gaps of my education to sack the Tom Brady of my ignorance, and because I like bold proclamations of projects aswellas making lists and attempting to cross items off those lists, one-by-one, I will take a huge step towards rectifying it.
Another long sentence. Well, one step at a time, and I don't need to link to Tom Brady, do I?
You may be aware that, along with my partners David P. Johnson and Matthew Hoffman, I have written a musical entitled M.V.P. Well, you are now. The titular (which I like saying not simply because it’s literary-sounding) term stands for “Most Valuable President,” for the musical deals with many of the American Presidents throughout history vying for the honor of which one was the most valuable. We’re putting it up in the spring of 2013, you should check back here for updates.
With that in mind, a project I am undertaking as soon as I sign off here is to read, in order of when they served, a biography of each American President. Starting with George Washington and ending with Mitt Romney (C’mon, I’ll be done by 2016! No Chris Christie until the next time!), I will dive into, if not the definitive book, at the very least a serious biography about each man (i.e., that means no Bill O'Reilly). I want to learn more about each President, how they ticked, the time in which they served, and the ramifications of their leadership.
After each, I’ll post a little something - not so much a review as a little piece, perhaps a humor piece. I’ve got an idea for something larger based on this, but for now, I’ll give over just a pastry that I bake with my thoughts on each President.
First up: For our first President, George Washington, the strapping horseman from (Earnin’) Mount Vernon, Virginia I will be reading the 822 pages (how many?! Yikes. (sigh)) of:
So, please feel free to come along for the ride. By posting this, I’m putting my ass out there. I can’t risk, years from now, people taunting me for not completing the climb of this mountain of biography. And feel free to tell people; God knows I’ll need all the support I can get while I’m slogging through 800 pages on Grover Cleveland.
..And before you ask, I’ve made an executive decision - I don’t have to read two biographies on Grover Cleveland.
Up on the "Los Angeles & California" shelf at Skylight Books on Vermont Avenue in Los Feliz. I think the only reasonable course of action, should you find yourself in the area, is to go into the store, ask for The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, and then demand to know why they only have one copy at this point. Go forth?
Getting the packages together to mail out to the Goodreads giveaway winners brought another silent grin...Inscribing the books, writing out the thank-you notes, including the business cards, double-checking the address, realizing I'd be mailing copies to Canada, England, Australia - each step one closer to a stranger getting to read, and perhaps enjoy, my work. Thank you to all who participated. If you weren't lucky enough to win a free copy, check out the discount on my "Store" page.
Creating the work is exciting enough. Presenting it - allowing others to appreciate it - is thrilling. More, please.
I just completed a giveaway offer over at Goodreads and it was a kick to watch people enter for their chance to win a copy of my novel. Yes, yes, everyone likes something for free, but going to the site and noting, "Oh, 143 people want my book," and then, "Oh, 218," soon becomes muttering, "Oh - 307," and then "Cool. 386," and finally becomes, "Wow," and then, finally, a silent grin. And, well. You can't beat silent grins. So as I start off on this quest to build a voice and a fanbase,even if most of the entries were just people looking for a free book, I've still got the silent grin on my face, so... If you're arriving here from Goodreads and checking out my site for the first time, welcome! If you were one of the lucky winners, congratulations! And even if you're not, don't leave yet! I've got a special offer for you! If you go to the 'Store' page now- you can purchase a signed, paperback copy of _The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription at a 30% discount, for $10.49 + tax & shipping/handling. $10.49. That's pretty good, isn't it? The offer's limited, so make sure to get over to the store soon! If you decide to take a chance on me and The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, maybe your $10.49 (+ tax & shipping/handling) will get you a silent grin all your own. Thanks again! billy
...and Jen Ritchkoff for hosting another successful reading of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription tonight. I had a lot of fun. Muse on 8th is a fantastically lovely space and everyone should go there immediately - or, immediately when it opens tomorrow.
Thanks again to Jimmy, Johnny, and Matthew for carrying me with their character reads. Thanks to everyone who supported it. If you supported and enjoyed what I/we did, please tell someone.
In 2005, I wrote a night of one-act plays for Zombie Joe’s Underground Theatre, entitled Time Travel. One of those plays, “Marriage”, dealt with a relationship borne out of the urban legend behind a famous pop song by Phil Collins.
One of my proudest achievements as a writer thus far is, due to that one-act play, I still get phone calls and emails from friends and family, out of the blue, saying, “You know what this song’s about?” or “Guess what goddamn song I heard today?” or “Man, you have ruined that friggin’ song for me, forever.”
A few years after Time Travel, my friend Jon White (look for his band Monster Soup’s kick-ass album “Damn I’m Good” - coming soon, and he is) and I shot the one-acts as short films. Here’s the opening to “You Know What This Song’s About?” just a taste of the piece.
I have other films. I’ll post them as we go. I plan to make other films. I’ll post them as we go. I hope you enjoy them. Please tell people, as we go. ‘Cause that’s part of how we’ll go...together, eh?
A final reminder about my next reading of _The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, coming up this Wednesday, August 29th, from 7:30-9p at Muse on 8th - 759 S. LaBrea Ave., just south of Wilshire Blvd.
My ex-sketchmates will be joining me again, for a little bit of Los Chupacabras magic that’ll make my novel sound a lot better than if it were just me prattling on like I was onstage in Tampa. I’ll have copies of the novel for sale with one hand out if you’ve got cash, and one hand ready to work the slidy-slidy credit card thing
Check out the site for Muse, www.museon8th.com for a inkling as to all the delicious treats you can scarf while you watch literature right in front of your very eyes.
...where I listen to three songs on the “70s Classic Rock Party” radio station, and imagine that I’m a guest at that party...
(BILL walks to the buffet table, and begins to fix a plate of potato salad. The HOST approaches with STEVE.)
HOST: Hey, Bill. Thanks for coming.
BILL: No problem. Thanks for having me.
HOST: Bill, meet Steve. (walks away)
BILL: (to Steve) Nice to meet you.
STEVE: Some people call me the “Space Cowboy”.
BILL: Oh. Okay.
STEVE: Yea-uh. Some call me the “Gangster of Love”.
BILL: Wait, what? No way, dude.
STEVE: Some people call me Maurice-
BILL: He just said your name was Steve-
STEVE: -‘cause I speak of the pompitous of love.
BILL: Hmm. Huh. I don’t think pompitous is a word.
STEVE: People talk about me, baby-
BILL: Yeah, well, you know, you’re kinda all over the-
STEVE: -say I’m doin’ you wrong,
BILL: -place-
STEVE: -doin’ you wrong.
BILL: If you’re like this with everyone, they would talk-
STEVE: Well, don’t you worry, baby, don’t worry-
BILL: Who said I was worried?
STEVE: ‘cause I’m right here, right here, right here at home.
BILL: (pointing) I thought this was Hugh’s house. And don’t call me “baby”.
STEVE: ‘Cause I’m a picker-
BILL: -pompitous-
STEVE: I’m a grinner-
BILL: isn’t a word-
STEVE: I’m a lover-
BILL: You’d get the red line under-
STEVE: -and I’m a sinner-
BILL: -it. And by the way-
STEVE: I play my music in the sun...
BILL: Name one person who’s called you a “Gangster of Love”.
STEVE: I’m a joker-
BILL: Nice to-
STEVE: I’m a smoker-
BILL: -meet you-
STEVE: I’m a midnight toker-
BILL: Ha. Who coulda guessed?
STEVE: I get my lovin’ on the run...
BILL: And you’re bragging about that?
STEVE: Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
BILL: Nice to meet you.
STEVE: Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
BILL: Jesus.
(Bill walks away. Instrumental.)
(Bill is examining the books on Hugh’s shelves. PINK approaches and stares at Bill. Pause for 1:35.)
BILL: Okay. Hi. How’re you doing? (points at shelves) He’s gotta a lot of Clive Cussler, don’cha think?
PINK: So.
BILL: Uh. (echoes) So.
PINK: So you think you can tell?
BILL: Uh. Tell what?
PINK: Heaven from Hell.
BILL: Yeah, sure. That’s fuckin’ child’s play. I mean-
PINK: Blue skies from pain.
BILL: That. That is nonsensical.
PINK: -Can you tell a green field-
BILL: From a blue field? Sure, two different colors-
PINK: From a cold steel rail?
BILL: Rail? Or rain?
PINK: A smile from a veil?
BILL: Even metaphorically, those things don’t match.
PINK: Do you think you can tell?
BILL: And why are you so challenging about it? This is supposed to be a party.
PINK: Did they get you to trade-
BILL: I should’ve stayed home-
PINK: Your heroes for ghosts?
BILL: Who’s “they”? (pointing) Hugh?
PINK: Hot ashes for trees?
BILL: Random, man!
PINK: Hot air for a cool breeze?
BILL: Finally! That works.
PINK: Cold comfort for change?
BILL: Those could be considered equal-
PINK: Did you exchange-
BILL: You know what, I need another gimlet-
PINK: -a walk-on part in the war-
BILL: I’ll put my answers in an email, okay?
PINK: -for a lead role in a cage?
BILL: Rude.
(Bill walks away. Instrumental.)
(Bill leans against the wall outside the bathroom, trying to avoid eye contact with Pink in front of him. WHEELER takes a place behind him. They look at each other.)
WHEELER: Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight.
BILL: Me either, man.
(Steve takes his place behind Wheeler on the line. Bill looks away.)
WHEELER: I got a feeling that something ain’t right.
BILL: I know, right? Hugh’s got some fucked up friends.
WHEELER: (points ahead) I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair.
BILL: (thinks) You mean toilet?
WHEELER: And I’m wonderin’ how I’ll get down the stairs.
BILL: You’re not driving, are you?
WHEELER: Clowns to the left of me-
BILL: Hey-
WHEELER: Joker’s to the right.
BILL: (re: Steve) Yeah.
WHEELER: Here I am.
BILL: Here you are.
WHEELER: Stuck in the middle with you.
BILL: Yeah-
WHEELER: -Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with you.
BILL: I’m not thrilled about it either, dude.
WHEELER: And I’m wonderin’ what it is I should do.
BILL: It’s a little late for potty training, no?
WHEELER: It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face-
BILL: -makes you look kinda sketchy-
WHEELER: ‘Cause I’m showin’ up all over the place-
BILL: Hugh didn’t invite you?
WHEELER: Clowns to the left of me-
BILL: Screw this. (pushes off wall) I’ll try the 80s party. (Bill exits.)
Children: I'll be doing another reading of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, again with assistance from my former comedy group mates, in three weeks. Wednesday, August 29th, to be exact. Bad news first: there will be no macaroni & cheese. Good news: the reading will take place at the Cafe Muse on 8th, at 759 S. La Brea, just south of Wilshire, near that building that used to have the big Asahi Beer sign on top but now has the big Samsung sign on top...I miss that Asahi Beer sign... Muse on 8th is a cool coffee spot with plenty of delicious treats and a great atmosphere. I'm really lucky to be given the chance to read there. Thanks, Muse! Reading's at 7:30p and I guarantee you'll be out of there by 9. I'll have copies of the novel for purchase and seemingly witty yet ultimately disappointing inscription, should you desire. The last one was a blast. Many people suggested I (we) do it again. I take suggestions. Hope you can make it. billy
Hey, for those of you who belong to Goodreads, I'm giving away 20 copies of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription at the end of this month. You can get to Goodreads from clicking right over there (points to the right).
Now, you're thinking one of two things:
"Giving away 20 copies?! Ridiculous! What a great opportunity for me to perhaps win a copy of this 'sarcastic noir', gratis!"
-or-
"Giving away 20 copies?! Ridiculous! I just bought one yesterday/last week/last month! Norrett's a jerk!"
Both reactions are valid, I suppose. Allow me to respond to each specifically. To the first, I say:
"You got that right! Enter to win, check out the excerpt I've put on my author's page, maybe take a chance and buy one anyway!"
To the second, I say:
"You got that right! I gotta get myself out there, you know? Goodreads is a huge site populated by a lot of people, so anything I can do, you know? I mean, the giveaway's only been offered for a day and (checking) 74 people have signed up. Now, certainly, these people like getting free things; I know I do, you know? But. You gotta think some of them might take a chance and buy the book, you know?"*
*I grant the second response may seem like a rationalization. And that I've hammered the "you know?" conceit.
If you're a member of Goodreads, read the novel, enjoyed it, and feel like leaving a review, (trying to keep from emitting a begging tone) please feel free!
If you're not, my goodness, why not? Why on Earth not? It's a fantastic site.
Here are some pictures from the reading last Thursday. Thanks again to everyone who attended, ate my food, though not enough of it for me not to have leftovers (sigh). Interspersed with the pics are some folks' reactions to it & the novel The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription.
I'm off to get on a treadmill (sigh)... (Photos taken by Amy Paliwoda and Nebojsa Prodic)
Pre-Game
"Bill Norrett is one of my favorite authors, having directed a couple of his plays, and seen everyone of the others! Now he's a novelist. Fantastic! A must read!"
-Denise Devin, Lead Director, ZJU Theater Group.
Pre-Game
"I am thoroughly enjoying The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription. The writing and characters are full of wonderful (if self-deprecating) energy, so it was a special treat to see them brought to life not only by the author, but by the friends on which his characters are based. It made the reading come alive in a way the whole audience enjoyed. Seeing the characters performed by the guys who inspired them allowed those watching to see how spot-on Norrett's depictions are, while Norrett's narration of the underlying tensions and motivations showed the audience (many of whom may be familiar only with his playwriting) that he has more to offer than just snappy dialogue. It was a highly entertaining evening that left everyone excited about the new novel. My girlfriend is now nagging me to finish the book so she can read it."
-Matt DeNoto, Writer/Director, "HP +10" Webseries
"I've been excited to read this book for a while now, and after hearing Chapter Five performed live (by the very people who inspired the characters), I cannot wait! Norrett's style is not only endearing and self-deprecating, it's also smart. The sooner I get my hands on a copy of The Vanilla Gigolo Prescription, the better -- and anyone else who enjoys a fun read should feel likewise."
-Dana DeRuyck, Actress
"Bill Norrett is one of my favorite contemporary writers. I’m so glad to see the book in print."
When things aren't going well, when the work seems halting, when it doesn't seem to be coming, when it doesn't seem any good, when that work seems insufficient, when things don't go well, when I'm frustrated, when I hit an obstacle, a wall, a dead end, when I'm not sure I want to even keep trying, I will remember evenings like this, and remember how I felt supported, and I will keep going.
Thank you to those of you who helped give me that feeling, helped me instill it deep, helped me put it somewhere where I can keep it, to bring it out in times of need, and thank you forever.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
PERSHING SQUARE RED LINE STATION (a "Downtown LA Playlette" in 3 acts) ACT I - INT. TICKET MACHINES (BILL, earbuds in, walks up to the ticket machine and begins to buy a ticket. A MAN, surfer-blonde hair, 62% sketchy, approaches. He holds out a gold token.) MAN: Wanna buy a token for a dollar? BILL: (takes off earbuds) No, sorry, thank you. (BILL hears the train approaching downstairs. He gets his ticket. He tries to leave, but the MAN stands in his way.) MAN: How about seventy-five cents? Fifty cents? BILL: No. MAN: Fifty cents! BILL: No. MAN: Why not? BILL: Because now I have to run. (Bill sidesteps him, and runs to catch the train.) ACT II - INT. RED LINE SUBWAY PLATFORM (BILL reaches the bottom of the stairs as the doors of the train begin to close. BILL throws his arm between the closing doors, getting it in all the way up to his bicep. He waits. The doors do not open. In the car, a teenage BOY and a middle-aged MAN watch him.) MAN: Not gonna happen. Not gonna happen. BOY: No way, sir. No way. MAN: Let it go. You gotta let it go. BOY: Let it go! (Bill tries to pull the doors open. No good. He pulls and pulls.) MAN: It's over! Let it go! BOY: Let it go! ACT III - INT. RED LINE SUBWAY CAR (BILL enters the car and leans against the opposite door. The MAN turns to look at him as the subway starts to move.) MAN: They don't open those doors, son. (BILL takes off earbuds.) BILL: What? MAN: Once they close those doors, you know, they don't open 'em back up. BILL: They just did.
